The Most Important Thing Ever: Profreeding

I Can Haz Grammar

The easiest way to a shiny A at the top of your paper is to proofread your paper. Certainly, mistakes are OK, and even an A paper will have a few misplaced letters or an extra comma. However, many papers arrived with more than 10 spelling and grammar errors. In this age of spell checking computers, that’s unreasonable. Imagine turning in math homework where every time you wrote “3,” you meant “5.” Certainly changes the answer, right? So, make sure you read over your paper for spelling and grammar mistakes.

Pay It Forward

Don’t just read your own paper! Have somebody else read your paper as well. In return, offer to read their paper. We’re not going to assign you a reading partner, however, so maybe turn to your special report group for help, or talk with the people sitting near you about their papers. Also, remember the resources of the writing center are yours to use. Lastly, I’m available as to help, but I’m only one person, so I can’t always handle student demand.

What are the Rules Again?

English is one of the toughest languages on Earth, and while you don’t have to understand every rule of usage, it’s very useful to think about the basics. For example, can you avoid the passive voice? Can you use ‘affect’ and ‘effect’ properly? When is it acceptable to abbreviate deoxyribonucleic acid? There are a number of grammar books willing to help you solve these problems. Maybe the most well-known book is The Elements of Style, and while it has its drawbacks, for the purposes of basic English writing it’s a fantastic read. If you don’t own a copy, I found one floating on Scribd here, and who knows how long it will stay online.

Citations: Who Said That?

I Think I’m Lost…

Citations are, perhaps, the most baffling part of being an amateur academic. There are different styles depending on your field: MLA, APA, Chicago, Turabian, etc. Within the styles, the format of the citation changes between different editions. And once you choose a style, there’s even disagreement over what needs a citation. Some people had problems with over-citation, others had problems with under-citation. What the heck do we do then? Let’s organize our thoughts here and think about how to cite.

Citation Styles

For history, we work with the Chicago Style of Writing. The Turabian style is based on the older Chicago manual and is geared towards students. You can use either of these styles as they are pretty much the same. Again, we’re permitting either in-text parenthetical citations (like this) or footnote citations. ^{(like this with information in a footnote)} You can feel free to choose whichever style is more useful for you.

What Do I Cite?

There are four very clear instances when you should always cite.

When you use a direct quote: After a baseball game, Ichiro said, “I’m very happy about my endorsement with Kirin Ichiban beer.” (citation here)

When you summarize a direct quote: After the baseball game Ichiro told the reporters that he was happy to endorse Kirin Ichiban beer. (citation here)

When you use an author’s specific argument: Blair Williams argues that Ichiro should be inducted into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame for reasons X, Y, and Z. (citation here)

When you use specific information: In 2004 Ichiro led the league in batting average (.372) and set a single-season record in hits (262). (citation here)

You do not need to cite in these instances:

Statements of generally agreed facts: Ichiro is a baseball player and has an endorsement with Kirin Ichiban.

Generalized arguments: Some people believe that Ichiro didn’t need money from an endorsement. (There should be more specific information after a statement like this)

When using your opinion/stating your position: After this analysis, it is clear that Ichiro is a media superstar.

That should take care of the basics of citations. If you have more questions, do let us know.

Paragraphs: The Last Frontier

Organizing Your Thoughts

Surprisingly, the third most common problem was with paragraphs. Did you read the first post where I said, “Don’t be limited to 3 body paragraphs because your high school teacher told you that’s how essays are written.”? That’s me quoting me! I received quite a few 6 page papers with a total of 5 paragraphs, which means very, very long paragraphs. Paragraphs so long, in fact, that the author’s thoughts wandered, talking about this for a while and then talking about that, without really conveying the author’s argument. That, of course, is a major problem.

Paragraphs and Posh Closets

Maybe you have 5 books worth of information that you want to talk about in 5 pages, which is a huge challenge. How do you even start? Imagine that, for whatever reason, you’re on one of those celebrity shows that shows off your posh house for the world. First they want to look in your closet, and you throw open the doors and everybody says “WOW! There’s so much stuff in here!” And then you say, “Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff, but let me show you my best stuff, like my Armani suit, my KISS platform boots, and a NASA spacesuit.” And then from your huge pile of stuff you pull out 3 really interesting pieces to demonstrate to the world the best of your closet.

I think you see the connection here: you might have piles of information, but to make that information understandable to everybody, you have to pick just a few really good examples. In a 5-page essay, just a few well thought-out examples are much more powerful than a dozen examples with a sentence of explanation.

How Long is Too Long?

Ideally, a paragraph should be about one idea. Imagine you have only three broad topics you want to discuss in a 5 page paper. Break these big ideas into several paragraphs and use transition sentences. For example, you want to talk about Korean women from 1900-1945. That’s a huge idea. Break it down and have a paragraph about pre-colonial women, a paragraph about colonial women, and a paragraph of colonial women during wartime. Connect the paragraphs to let the reader understand your line of thought.

If you find yourself nearing 200 words in a paragraph or talking about a lot of ideas that don’t seem to have a connection, you probably can reorganize your thoughts. Long paragraphs aren’t necessarily wrong, but often they mean you are not organizing your thoughts in an understandable manner.

Last Thoughts

As a class, the midterms were actually quite impressive. It’s great to see a lot of students engage with the readings and come to some really sharp conclusions. The challenge now is to learn from the midterm corrections and think about the final. I’m really eager to see the progress that everyone will make between now and the final!

1) It’s All About Trying

Lost in Translation

In French, essayer is the verb to try. That’s what you’re doing in an essay–trying to convey your message. Clarity is essential to conveying your message. The opposite of a clear signal is noise. When writing, you want your message to be as clear as possible and eliminate the noise–extra words, ideas that don’t fit, and the most dreaded of all: filler material.

Your Mind is a Playground

It’s also the main source of all the noise in writing. You have a world of understanding in your head, but when you write it, it seems like alien scribbles. We’ve all been there–you just don’t know how to say what you mean. That’s fine–after all, it’s all about trying. Sometimes it’s best to write some scribbles and type some gibberish in a section and just keep going. However, just because you tried doesn’t mean you can hand in drivel. Let’s see how we can fix some problems.

2) Just Say It

Bodies Come First

Why do we write the introduction first? You don’t even know what your essay is going to be about because you haven’t written it yet! There’s no law of how you go about writing essays, so if you’re comfortable, write the body paragraphs first. Get to know your essay by writing the body first, and then you can go back and write the introduction. Make sure to write the conclusion, too.

Once More: Just Say It

How many times do you sit at the keyboard and say, “I just want to say that XYZ event is so interesting because of ABC reason…But how do I do it?!!?!?!” Why, you’ve just asked the simplest question about essay writing! Here’s how you write the answer to that predicament: “XYZ event is so interesting because of ABC reason.” Then, take some time explaining this mysterious ABC reason with…

3) The Evidence

History is a Science!

I see your eyes glossing, so just trust me–history is a science. There are facts that add up to some sort of truth, and that truth can be debated. That’s why it’s important to make a clear argument based on evidence. Every claim you make should be backed up by evidence and written using professional language. Consider which of the next two paragraphs is a better historical argument:

Some scholars say that the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima for military reasons, and others say it was dropped for political reasons. Scholars have come to a consensus that it was the military reasons. I think that these scholars might be right, but I think there are other reasons, too.

The historian Barton Bernstein examined a number of reasons that the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, and concluded that the military reasons outweighed the political reasons. He admitted the basic premise of Gar Alperovitz’ thesis that political motives existed, but Bernstein assigned these motives to exist after the bombing. While the historical community has a multitude of opinions, most agree that military motives for dropping the bomb outweighed the political motives.

If you would like the style and grammar explanations of these paragraphs, please let me know. Otherwise, the second paragraph is the type of writing that I would like to see you attempt. That said, the second paragraph can become even more specific!

Your Turn to Play Lawyer

You’ve got your evidence, and now it’s your turn to declare your point by supporting certain points and refuting others. Imagine you just wrote the above paragraph about Barton Bernstein, and now you really want to convince the reader that historians really do support military motives over political motives in dropping the atomic bomb. Your next paragraph should look something like this:

In the 1970s, Bernstein and a number of other scholars presented research that cemented their position as dominant. John Lewis Gaddis, Daniel Yergin, and Robert Donovan all published books during the decade that contested Alperovitz’ main argument. In particular, Robert Messer’s examination of then Secretary of State James Byrnes argued that the delay in the Potsdam Conference was not on Truman’s mind, ultimately denying Alperovitz’ main thesis. Alperovitz’s legacy, then, was to force these “traditionalist” historians to admit a degree of political motivation. However, the historians responded with a number of works that demonstrated military motives were central to the decision to drop the bomb.

Specifics, specifics, specifics. Support your argument, and if you can, refute the opposing argument. No flowery writing is needed–just say it.

Upside-Down Pyramids and Hourglasses

Argumentation in essays often goes from the very general to the very specific. Notice how this essay began with the nature of essay writing and is now focused on how to use specifics? Now look at the above paragraph–general topic sentence, narrowing down some authors, and then the delivery of the critical evidence in James Messer. You could stop here, going from the wide down to the narrow and make an upside-down pyramid of argumentation. I then brought it back to the wide generalization, forming an ‘hourglass’ shape of argument. You don’t always need to follow this model, but it’s certainly effective.

Sentence Structure

Very quickly: strong sentences have impact at the beginning and the end. A strong sentence should never deliver its impact in the middle. Avoid negative wording if possible. For example, instead of “not effective,” use “ineffective.” Examples:

Good:

• Barton Bernstein argued that the Truman administration had five alternatives to dropping the bomb, but that the safest and most reliable option was to use the atomic bomb.

Not so good:

• President Truman had five alternatives to dropping the bomb, Barton Bernstein argued, but these options were less reliable and less safe than using the atomic bomb.

Bad:

• Although there were 5 peaceful alternatives, President Truman used the atomic bomb because the other options were less safe and less reliable than the bomb, according to Barton Bernstein.

Again: It’s All About Trying

Don’t be terrified by this advice–I’m just trying to help you become better writers. The best time to practice writing is on these short 5-6 page essays. I expect that there will be errors in every essay–if you were perfect essay writers, you would be hired by some French Academy and teaching in Paris right now. Mistakes are OK! The key is that you show a thinking process and that you are trying to improve your writing.

A Last Thought

You might ask, “Will I ever use this in the real world?” Yes, yes you will. Strong writing skills are always in demand in the business world for writing product descriptions and communicating with the public. Website design and content distribution demands clear, concise writing. Even laboratory scientists need to write detailed, clear notes on experiments. You may never take another history class again, but the skills of argumentation and strong writing that you practice here might land you a cool job down the road.

Formatting

First Things First

Your format should look pretty similar to this:

The Introduction and Thesis Statement

The purpose of the introduction is, of course, to introduce your work. It is also a place to analyze the question at hand and demonstrate how you will approach an answer to the question. It is NOT the place to put the background history of everything you want to talk about. Many students focus too much on historical background–it is acceptable to add some historical insights, of course, but almost all of your historical citations should be in the body of your essay.

Types of Introductions

There are a few methods to writing your introduction, and you should choose one that you feel fits your writing style best. In papers of 5-6 pages in length, I almost always use a short and punchy introduction.

As an example of a very short introduction, here’s one I wrote for a 5 page assignment (similar to this assignment!) in 2007:

On the other hand, here is a more traditional introduction, with a little bit of a vague thesis at the end. I wrote this in 2005.

Writing a Thesis Statement

For this essay, you should include a clean, coherent thesis statement along the lines of the document included in the Moodle site (see week 8). However, DO NOT feel like you have to write a unique, groundbreaking thesis statement. This is just a mid-term essay, and you are just learning to be a historian.

Here are a few examples of how a thesis statement for this paper might appear, and keep in mind you can argue different points as long as it answers the question of how Japan changed in response to modernization and industrialization.

• “The economic influence of modernization greatly improved the standing of the Japanese middle class as evidenced in Naomi, as seen in the rise of zaibatsu, and the desire to spread prosperity through the East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere.”

• “While modernization and industrialization in Japan solidified economic and military prosperity at home, this development came at the cost of mistreatment of the colonized Koreans and exploitation of lower-class labor.”

Your job as a writer, then, is to convince the reader that your thesis is valid.

The purpose of your introduction is to introduce your argument, and you never get a second chance at a first impression, right? So, make a strong first impression with a good thesis.

The Body

On Writing

Write as many body paragraphs as you need. Don’t be limited to 3 body paragraphs because your high school teacher told you that’s how essays are written. However, if you have less than three body paragraphs, you have a pretty weak body.

Use transitions to connect paragraphs and show that you can relate your own ideas to the author’s arguments. Take a look at this paragraph that analyzes the works of three authors:

Organization

Each body paragraph should have a single, clearly defined topic. You can talk about several authors or several events as long as they relate to the topic of the paragraph. If you need more than one paragraph to explain your point, use a transition sentence into another paragraph.

Topics?

We’ve covered a lot of topics in class. Please keep in mind the distinction between the Japanese people and the Japanese empire. Here is just a sample of what we’ve talked about that you can include in your essay: samurai; tenant farmers; the Imperial Diet; the Meiji, Taisho, and Showa Emperors; the Russo-Japanese and Sino-Japanese Wars; the People’s Rights Movement; labor unions; middle-class life; gender distinctions; women’s rights; riots; socialism and communism; reactionaries; unequal treaties; the colonies and possessions in Korea, Manchuria, Okinawa, Taiwan, etc.; treatment of “foreigners” and colonized subjects (Americans, Ainu, Okinawans, Koreans, Chinese, Europeans). That’s just what we talked about leading to the time immediately following World War I. You don’t need to use all of these examples, of course, but your essay should include at least some of these topics and can include discussion of the movies we watched.

Ultimately, you should focus on topics that you believe will best support your argument. Think of it like food–use just enough topics and you’ll be happy; use too few, and you’ll be hungry; use too many, and you’ll feel bloated.

Footnotes?

Those little sentences at the end of the above image are called “footnotes,” and they’re pretty much standard in history. When you use a quote from a source or are talking about an author’s specific viewpoint, you should use a footnote to announce that this information comes from another source. Doing this clearly defines your arguments from the arguments of other people. You can access footnotes in Microsoft Word by going to the “insert” tab and clicking footnote. Formatting styles can be viewed at this website and at this website.

The Conclusion

In the conclusion, you should revisit you thesis to conclude your argument. If you want to summarize all of your body paragraphs, that’s fine, but it’s not required. Remember how I should I have focused my thesis a little more in the above example about Galileo? Let’s see how I concluded it:

Last Thoughts

There is no single answer in a historical essay. In a test, you might need to include some specific details to get full credit for the answer. In an essay, however, you need to pick and choose your evidence to deploy it in an effective argument. You cannot, of course, cherry pick your arguments–there are certainly undeniable facts in history. You can, however, argue that the Nanjing Massacre was more representative of the conduct of the Japanese Imperial Army than the propaganda anime movies.

Your job, then, is to think critically about what we have read in class, and then make an argument about history. This is undoubtedly the most important and most fun part about being a historian. Truly, I hope you enjoy writing this essay.